More and more people are turning to AI for advice when they’re stressed, lonely, or fighting with their partner. I hear it in my sessions: “I asked ChatGPT what to do about my marriage, and it felt like it understood me.”
I get it. AI is instant. It doesn’t judge. It’s available 24/7. For a lot of people, that feels like relief. But here’s the truth: AI is not a therapist—and your relationship deserves more than a chatbot.
Why People Are Using AI Like a Therapist
Therapy can be expensive. Waitlists can feel endless. And sometimes, you just don’t want to share your story with a stranger. So people turn to AI.
AI gives you the illusion of being heard. It organizes your thoughts, asks follow-up questions, and makes you feel less alone. It’s no wonder people lean on it when things feel heavy.
What AI Can Do for You
Let’s be fair: AI has some real upsides when used wisely.
- It can provide journal prompts that help you explore what’s going on inside.
- It can give you basic education about topics like attachment, anxiety, or boundaries.
- It can reflect back your own words so you can see patterns more clearly.
- It can act as a practice partner—helping you rehearse saying something before you bring it to your partner.
Think of it like a notebook that talks back. Helpful, but limited.
What AI Cannot & Should Not Do
This is where the danger lies. AI can’t:
- Read your body language or nervous system cues.
- Notice when your shoulders slump or your partner goes quiet.
- Sit in silence with you when words fail.
- Handle crisis, trauma, or safety concerns.
And most importantly—AI cannot attune. Attunement is the essence of therapy: the felt experience of being truly seen, heard, and understood by another human being. That’s what creates change.
The Risks of Using AI as Relationship Therapy
Misinformation
AI sometimes “hallucinates,” giving confident but false answers. If you don’t know the difference, you could be acting on advice that’s not only unhelpful—but harmful.
Privacy
When you share your most vulnerable stories with AI, you don’t control where that data goes. Unlike a therapist bound by confidentiality, AI companies aren’t held to the same ethical standards.
Dependence
AI can feel soothing because it’s always available and never pushes back. But that’s exactly the danger—it can become a crutch. Instead of turning toward your partner, your community, or a therapist, you may start turning inward to a machine. That keeps you isolated.
Missed Repair
The most transformative part of therapy isn’t advice—it’s the experience of repairing in real time with another human. AI won’t challenge your blind spots, advocate for your relationship, or sit with you in the discomfort that creates growth.
Why This Matters: We’re Wired for Connection
Humans are biologically designed for connection. AI can’t replicate that.
- Co-Regulation (Stephen Porges, Polyvagal Theory): Our nervous systems calm in the presence of another safe human being. This is why a hug or soft tone can soothe you faster than self-talk ever could. AI has no nervous system—it can’t co-regulate with you.
- Attachment Bonds (Sue Johnson, EFT): Secure relationships buffer stress and even reduce physical pain. A University of Virginia study showed women holding their partner’s hand experienced less pain under stress compared to holding a stranger’s hand or no hand at all. AI cannot offer this level of embodied safety.
- Repair & Resilience (John Gottman): Gottman’s research shows that the strength of a relationship isn’t whether conflict happens—it’s whether couples repair after conflict. Repair requires two nervous systems engaging in real time. AI will never push you toward repair—it will just reflect words back.
- Trauma Healing (Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score): Trauma isn’t healed by insight alone—it requires safe, embodied connection. AI can’t hold your tears, notice your shaking hands, or help you feel safe in your body.
So while AI feels safe, it can quietly keep you stuck—because it allows you to bypass the very thing you most need: authentic human connection.
The bottom line: AI can be a useful supplement for journaling and reflection. But it cannot meet the deep biological and emotional need to be seen, known, and soothed by another human being.
How I Use AI With My Clients
Now here’s where I do things differently: I don’t tell my clients to avoid AI. I help them use it wisely.
In my couples work, I’ll:
- Invite you to bring AI-generated insights into session. Together, we’ll filter what’s useful and what’s misleading.
- Teach you how to prompt AI better so it supports your growth instead of confusing you.
- Give you guardrails so AI becomes a practice tool between sessions, not a substitute for therapy.
For example, instead of asking AI: “Why is my partner so awful?” I’ll show you how to ask:
- “Give me three non-blaming ways to tell my partner I feel hurt.”
- Or: “What are reflective questions I can journal when I feel distant from my partner?”
That way, you’re practicing skills between sessions and building momentum—not just waiting for your next appointment.
The Bottom Line
AI can shine a light on things you might not notice on your own. But it is not a guide. It won’t walk beside you in the fire of conflict, or help you repair the rupture when your nervous systems collide.
That’s where therapy comes in. Real healing happens in the space between humans—when someone advocates for your relationship, helps you see your patterns, and teaches you how to create safety and spark again.
What to Expect in Therapy With Me
If AI can’t give you the connection you need, what happens when you sit down with me at Core Elements
Here’s what you can expect:
- To feel seen, heard, and understood. That doesn’t mean I just nod along—it means I track you, reflect you, and help your partner actually get you.
- To be called out when needed. I’m direct. If your patterns are hurting your relationship, I’ll say it. Not because I’m against you—but because I’m for the two of you as a team.
- To put the relationship first. In my office, the relationship wins over the individual. That means we focus on creating something bigger than “me vs. you”—we build an us worth protecting.
- To learn repair. Conflict isn’t the problem; failed repair is. You’ll practice coming back together, even after the hard fights, so trust grows instead of erodes.
- To connect and negotiate. You’ll stop trying to “win” arguments and start learning how to listen, stand your ground, and create agreements that actually stick.
- To stand for your values. A secure relationship isn’t about avoiding conflict—it’s about knowing what matters most to you, and bringing that truth forward with honesty and care.
- To create a secure-functioning relationship. This means fairness, justice, and mutual sensitivity guide you. You learn to be each other’s safe harbor—even when the storm hits.
In other words: You don’t just get tools. You get a new way of being together. One rooted in honesty, repair, and connection.
If you’ve been leaning on AI, consider this your invitation: bring it into therapy. Together, we’ll use it as a support tool—and then we’ll go deeper into the real work of building the relationship you want.
Your relationship deserves more than survival. It deserves to thrive
If you are ready to give it a try book now, or call for a free 15 minute consultation.